There is that feeling of envy when people tell stories about
having closures in a relationship. You think you need one but consciously you
knew you do not deserve it. In the first place, the two of you as one does not
exist. You were in love but that love did not come reciprocated.
You told yourself that you could have been together if only
he recognized how fun you could be. You convince yourself that at least he
should know that you like him. You would never know how events would turn out
by the mere confession that you could have done. Whatever you did, things did
not go the way you wanted them to be. You had the breakup. You ended up broken
hearted.
The problem with having that broken heart is that you got to
bear with it alone. You caused it and now you suffer from it. The worst part is
that there was nothing between you and him. It was all in your mind and
imagination. You cannot tell your friends that you hate him, because he did
nothing to you. He might not know you or look at you. You cannot cry on the
things, places, events, or songs that would remind you of your time together.
You could only cry over these things because they remind you of him, his
existence and your frustration. You cannot even go bitter on Facebook and other
social networking sites because you knew doing it would only make you a
desperate loser. All you could do is take the pain and try to let go.
You tried to let go. You followed what others would say
about the common letting go process. You stopped listening to love songs. You
stopped watching romance and even romantic comedies. You do not read anything
that speaks of blooming love. You are bitter with love and its consequences.
You feel like showing your emotion is a weakness. You pretended you need no
love and you were strong.
At the end of the day, you can never pretend to yourself.
Before you sleep at night, you keep asking yourself on what is wrong with you.
All you could see is him, how great he is, and how grateful you could have been
if you were together. Then, you tell yourself that everything is over. No. You
had to stop your foolishness over an unrequited love. You tried to rationalize
the events but you keep on making him an exception. You are at a struggle with
your own rationality. So, you cry yourself to sleep.
On the next day, you said to yourself that you already had
enough and are already tired of your own foolishness. You told yourself that
you had to start moving on, get a grip on your emotions, and start loving
yourself. You had a good day watching movies with friends. However, when you
walked around your neighborhood, you saw a man who looked like him. Worse, you
heard one song that reminds you of him. You stood still and sighed. You were
not yet over that breakup.
That is the problem with breaking up with someone you never
had a relationship. Your moving on stage becomes an endless loop of trying,
starting, and breaking up.
