Miyerkules, Setyembre 3, 2014

The Problem with Breaking Up (With Someone You Never Had)

There is that feeling of envy when people tell stories about having closures in a relationship. You think you need one but consciously you knew you do not deserve it. In the first place, the two of you as one does not exist. You were in love but that love did not come reciprocated.

You told yourself that you could have been together if only he recognized how fun you could be. You convince yourself that at least he should know that you like him. You would never know how events would turn out by the mere confession that you could have done. Whatever you did, things did not go the way you wanted them to be. You had the breakup. You ended up broken hearted.

The problem with having that broken heart is that you got to bear with it alone. You caused it and now you suffer from it. The worst part is that there was nothing between you and him. It was all in your mind and imagination. You cannot tell your friends that you hate him, because he did nothing to you. He might not know you or look at you. You cannot cry on the things, places, events, or songs that would remind you of your time together. You could only cry over these things because they remind you of him, his existence and your frustration. You cannot even go bitter on Facebook and other social networking sites because you knew doing it would only make you a desperate loser. All you could do is take the pain and try to let go.

You tried to let go. You followed what others would say about the common letting go process. You stopped listening to love songs. You stopped watching romance and even romantic comedies. You do not read anything that speaks of blooming love. You are bitter with love and its consequences. You feel like showing your emotion is a weakness. You pretended you need no love and you were strong.

At the end of the day, you can never pretend to yourself. Before you sleep at night, you keep asking yourself on what is wrong with you. All you could see is him, how great he is, and how grateful you could have been if you were together. Then, you tell yourself that everything is over. No. You had to stop your foolishness over an unrequited love. You tried to rationalize the events but you keep on making him an exception. You are at a struggle with your own rationality. So, you cry yourself to sleep.

On the next day, you said to yourself that you already had enough and are already tired of your own foolishness. You told yourself that you had to start moving on, get a grip on your emotions, and start loving yourself. You had a good day watching movies with friends. However, when you walked around your neighborhood, you saw a man who looked like him. Worse, you heard one song that reminds you of him. You stood still and sighed. You were not yet over that breakup.

That is the problem with breaking up with someone you never had a relationship. Your moving on stage becomes an endless loop of trying, starting, and breaking up.

With this problem, you think of only one solution. As what Lucinda Rosenfeld said, “"Moreover, a good solution for unrequited love is, of course, new love."

Huwebes, Hulyo 24, 2014

Less Than-Slash-Three

Photo: despicableme.wikia.com

I miss the three of us
When we stayed inside our house in the province
We were young and naïve
We were full of dreams and hopes
We thought we could make it all
When we hold hands and keep each other

I miss the three of us
When we were apart for the first time
We had to get away from our comfort
We had to strive hard for one another
We thought we could make it all
When we stand strong for one another

I miss the three of us
When we all got our separate lives
We were reaching our dreams
We were having the things we needed
We thought, no, I thought
Everything will stay the same with the three of us

What happened?

Twenty Third

It is believed that the flower that the butterfly loves once grew here. 

In the branch of a tree silently clings
The silent pupa meek and well-disposed
Waiting for the perfect time
To see the world and learn to fly

Then she turned to a lovely butterfly
She flew from flower to flower
Enjoying the bounty of nature
The happiness of life

Then the butterfly loved
She saw no other flower but the one
She loved the flower more than anything
And so she stayed close to the flower

But autumn came
The petals she loves now falls to the ground
And pieces of her sinks deep with the petals
But she still loves the flower

The butterfly has to flew away
Leaving the flower she loves
Keeping the scar in her heart
Yet she still loves the flower

Even if it has been gone. 

Biyernes, Hulyo 11, 2014

More Than Words

You told me you are not good with words
That you could not tell me how much you love me
That you could not frame the right words for me

In the absence of words, your heart speaks
In those few words you utter
In those little acts you show me
Your love cannot be contained with anything
And baby, I love you for that

I love you when you smile at me
You glow like a sunshine
That promises hope and happiness.

I love you when you stare at me
Your stares penetrate to the deepest of my heart
It tells me things only my heart could fathom.

I love you when you hold my hand
The strength of your grip
Tells me not to let you go.

I love you when you hug me close
The gentle touch caresses my soul
And gives me the assurance
Of not being left behind and alone.

I love you when you sing songs to me
It is as if you sing the words
That your mouth cannot directly tell me

Above all these things,
There is one thing that makes my heart melt

I love you when you say those words
I could feel your heart
In that stare
In that smile
As you say, “I love you.”

I love you, baby
More than these words can let you know
And I will never get tired of loving you

Linggo, Hunyo 22, 2014

Hey, I'm Moving On!

After several nights, no, months, of pining for a love that could never be returned, I finally decided to move on. I had to let go from this silliness. I realized that I was wasting my life holding on to something and someone who could not even dare to care. I had cried enough tears and suffered unnecessary depression.

I give up. This is not worth fighting for. This is going nowhere. I am tired. Everything has to stop.


Where do I start—when all I could see is him and all the little things I know about him? 

Huwebes, Hunyo 19, 2014

After A While by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes aheadwith the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...

Miyerkules, Hunyo 18, 2014

25 Things I Love About You

I could never tell you how much I value you. You know I am never good with telling people how I feel. You know I can hardly express my feelings, and you know how much I hate to talk about emotions. Every time we have a talk, I usually end up bullying you to the point that I become too insensitive to notice that you are hurt.

But please believe me when I tell you that I love you. Just do not believe me with the numerical figure in my title because I only put it to signify your age. I could not tell you I love you in a bulleted list because I want you to read every line in this blog. I could not tell you that I love you in a poem because I want you to spend some time with me through this blog.

Today is your birthday. You have always been proud of your birth date. June 19. You feel like you have a connection with Dr. Jose Rizal who is also celebrating his birthday. You even call yourself a martyr. You are a martyr. Who would not be martyr enough to stop schooling and be my guardian when I studied college? I know I was and am a pain on your back. I have seen you cry many times because I was so stubborn I kept going home very late. I have seen you work so hard just to give me money. I have seen you sacrificed yourself for me. You worked hard like a parent to me, but you never forget to listen like a friend to all my stories. I could never thank you enough for the things that you did to me.

Remember those times when we fight? There were lots of them. Do you know why I become silent in the middle of our fight? Or why I tend to walk out when you start crying? I never wanted you to leave home. I do not want to see you cry, well except for those times when you see old couples in the street and when we watch romantic movies. I could never take the thought of you weeping because of me. I always wanted to see you wear that happy face because you know that God has a purpose for everything.

Keep that faith. Your faith has been the reason that I keep on striving hard for our family. You inspire me with those words and pictures you post in our room. Most importantly, you make me believe in love. I have seen you fall in love and fall out of love. I have seen you cry over unrequited love and become all giddy because of a man. You taught me that only love can make me do greater things and that same love can get the best out of me. Your love for me and our family makes me a lucky being.

I am lucky I am your sister. You are very sensitive to my needs. Do you know that you make me smile with your little acts of goodness? Those little surprises? Those little gifts? I am grateful you are my sister. You are always there for me. You make me sane whenever I tend to overthink. You are very supportive in everything that I do. You believe in me.

All people you care are very lucky because we have you. You are a gift from God. Thank you and keep inspiring others!

I love you, ate Nenette. Happy 25th birthday.

The birthday girl